


Lost in Life - Ghost of Christmas Past

by cunningdeb



Series: Lost in Life [3]
Category: Adam Lambert - Fandom, Kris Allen - Fandom
Genre: Friendship, M/M, Nightmares, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-04
Updated: 2013-12-04
Packaged: 2018-01-03 10:26:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1069383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cunningdeb/pseuds/cunningdeb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christmastime rolls around and while they are celebrating the holiday, Adam and Kris are reminded how they almost lost each other ~ forever</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost in Life - Ghost of Christmas Past

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry to inject some angst into the season but if you followed my original story, you’ll know that one year ago [in the story timeline] the boys faced a traumatic event and it made sense to me that those memories would resurface on this anniversary. It’s not all doom and gloom but I want to stay true to the original story. There is a happy ending though. Reintroducing you to a cast of characters. If you don’t remember them all, that’s okay; they’ll be reappearing in the sequel.

The Christmas morning sun shone through the blinds, falling across Adam’s face and coaxing him out of sleep. He yawned and stretched, pressing the back of his hands against the headboard and poking his feet off the end of the mattress. He twisted to one side, then the other, his hip bumping against his bedmate. Kris was on his side, one arm under his head the other across Adam’s stomach. Adam slowed his movements, settling back under the sheet and the protection of his fiancé.

The silver and blue opal ring on Kris’ finger glistened. Adam looked at his own engagement ring, gold and intricately engraved, and his eyes filled with tears. He tenderly rested his hand on top of Kris’ and lost himself in his life.

Adam couldn’t believe he was living this life, let alone being engaged to the most amazing man in the world and on the road to the music career he’d always yearned for. He actually looked forward to waking up each day, going to work, and coming home to his bed companion. Money was no longer an issue and he was surrounded by family; not just his brother Neil who had moved out to LA a couple of months ago, but now he was a member of the Allen clan, and he had a family of friends who had his back and loved him.

But something … something dark had been pushing into the edges of this blessed life the last few days. During rehearsals, Adam continuously had the feeling he was being watched. Well, of course he was being watched – the staff were getting Adagio ready for the evening crowd – but it wasn’t just the familiar gazes. It was … it was unsettling. Adam would loose track of his lyrics and have to start over because his mind’s eye was searching the shadows instead of staying focused on the job at hand. He laughed it off when he got called on it, saying he was going to have stop picturing Kris naked as the younger man wandered about.

It didn’t stop there, though. Yesterday afternoon, when he ran out to get Kris’ gift, he’d had the same feeling. He’d come home edgy and feeling sick but the moment he’d laid eyes on Kris and his holiday endeavors, he remembered that nothing could get at him as long as Kris was in his life.

Their beach house was a glow in firelight and sparkling lights. The heady scent of evergreen mingled with the homey smell of turkey roasting and all the obligatory fixins’. Kris had never been much of a cook but once they’d moved in with a state of the art kitchen and some disposable income to equip the place, Kris decided he wanted to learn how to really cook and when he had the chance – which wasn’t often – he cooked up a storm.

After dinner, they changed into their red satin pajamas that Adam had bought last year and settled down for hot chocolate, cookies and a cheesy Christmas movie. They unwrapped their gifts and then unwrapped each other. Adam fondly remembered Kris’ reaction to his gift, replaying it over and over again as he drifted off…

~~*~~

Kris felt the warm skin beneath his arm as he awoke. Adam was still and breathing lightly, content and at peace. Kris quietly slipped out of bed, threw on some sleep pants and his robe and tip toed into the kitchen. As the kettle boiled, Kris emptied the dishwasher. Yesterday had been wonderful and he hoped the feeling would carry over into the New Year. Yet, deep in his heart, the Ghost of Christmas Past was taunting him and Kris had a feeling it torturing Adam.

Taking his coffee onto the deck, he leaned against the railing, cradling his hot mug, and watching the wave’s crash. Kris knew they were reaching a painful anniversary and they were going to have to deal all over again with that sick son of a bitch. Cavanaugh may be physically locked away in prison, but his specter was walking through their memories and trying to ruin their happiness once again.

Kris was fully aware Adam had been distracted lately and though Adam laughed it off, Kris knew his fiancé was terrified. If they could just get through tomorrow, the day of the attack, then maybe they could put it behind them for good. They had both gone through counseling, learning how to deal with their emotions but the triggers weren’t completely gone. The scar on Adam’s arm had almost faded to nothing but Kris could still feel the rough patch every time he ran his hands down his lover’s arm. He couldn’t image how it made Adam feel to see it, live with it day in and day out. 

A friend jogging along the beach waved and Kris waved back. The Pacific waters were dark and turbulent. Pretty soon, they’d be waking up to calm, crystal clear waters of their own private lagoon in Hawaii. Kris still couldn’t believe they were going to be in Hawaii for New Year’s Eve. Last year, they had planned a weekend getaway after the New Year’s show but then Adam ended up in the hospital and his first day out had been that particular holiday. This time, though, Peter had given them a week off, warning them to enjoy it because the minute they got back, everyone involved in the birth of Indigo was going to be run ragged and nobody was going to get a vacation for a long time.

Kris couldn’t wait – for Hawaii and for Indigo.

The phone rang and Kris hurried inside, hoping to grab it before it woke Adam up.

“Hey Peter, Merry Christmas.”

Adam was walking back to the bedroom with the phone at his ear. Kris watched him until his bare ass disappeared through the doorway before going back to the kitchen and starting to fix breakfast. Adam joined him fifteen minutes later, showered and dressed. 

“I thought we didn’t have to go in until the party this afternoon?” Kris asked, dishing out the waffles.

“We don’t. He was just calling to wish us a Merry Christmas.”

Kris sat down, ignoring his breakfast. “He could have said that when we saw him. He was checking up on us, wasn’t he?”

Adam poured syrup over his waffles. “I told him we were fine.”

“But Adam ….”

“We’re fine. Now let’s eat up and after you shower and get dressed, we have to run over to Ken and Christine’s and drop off their gifts.”

They finished eating in silence. Well, Adam ate in silence; Kris wasn’t hungry anymore. He excused himself and got ready.

Adam could tell himself they were fine until he turned blue in the face but it wouldn’t make it true.

~~*~~  
“ ‘Winter snow is falling down / Children laughing all around / Lights are turning on   
like a fairy tale come true. / Sitting by the fire we made / You're the answer when I prayed / I would find someone and baby I found you.’  
“ ‘All I want is to hold you forever / All I need is you more every day / You saved my heart / from being broken apart / You gave your love away / and I'm thankful every day   
for the gift.’” 

Kris sat back in his seat, gazing with unabashed loved at Adam sitting on that stage. The lights were low as the piano and guitar played. “The Gift” was a song Kris had introduced Adam to; not exactly his lover’s style of music, but Adam was looking for something that went with the season without going traditional. Adam may have been singing the song but it was Kris’ sentiment too. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked at Ken, who was beaming with pride. At some point over the last two years, the older man had become a second father to Adam and by extension to Kris and Neil too. He didn’t have any children of his own and had adopted the boys into his life. Thank God Kris still had both his parents in his life but Adam and Neil only had each other and having an older man to look up to and turn to was something they’d desperately needed.

“ ‘Watching as you softly sleep / What I'd give if I could keep / Just this moment   
if only time stood still. / But the colors fade away / And the years will make us grey   
But baby in my eyes / You'll still be beautiful.’” 

“What’s so funny?” Peter whispered from across the table.

Kris clapped his hand over his mouth, not realizing he’d laughed out loud. He looked at Adam, who had an amused expression on his face, then Kris turned to Peter. “That line, about the years making us gray. Gray hair doesn’t have a chance on his head, probably on mine either if Adam has his way.”

“ ‘All I want is to hold you forever / All I need is you more every day / You saved my heart / from being broken apart / You gave your love away / and I'm thankful every day   
for the gift.’”

The audience applauded and Adam bowed, smiling warmly. He turned to leave the stage and paused, his blue eyes scanning the crowd and beyond. The people kept applauding and Adam didn’t move.

Kris did. Something was wrong.

~~*~~

“ ‘Watching as you softly sleep / What I'd give if I could keep / Just this moment   
if only time stood still. / But the colors fade away / And the years will make us grey   
But baby in my eyes / You'll still be beautiful.’” 

Out of the silence of the audience, Adam heard a burst of laughter. Though the audience was in the dark, he didn’t need to see who it was. He knew. And he knew why. 

Yeah, that wouldn’t happen if he and his stylist had anything to say about it.

“ ‘All I want is to hold you forever / All I need is you more every day / You saved my heart / from being broken apart / You gave your love away / and I'm thankful every day   
for the gift.’”

The audience applauded and Adam bowed, smiling warmly. He started to leave the stage and could have sworn a thin haired, evil looking man standing in the front row, clapping sloppily and running his eyes over Adam’s body. A gun was tucked into his pants. The thin mouth moved, a silent word screaming in Adam’s ears – ‘mine’.

Adam blinked and the man was gone. The audience kept applauding and Adam feverishly searched for him. What if he was hiding? What if he was going after Kris?”

“Adam?”

A familiar hand rested on the small of his back and another hand touched his arm. He turned and saw Kris. There was smile on his beautiful face and concern and understanding in his lover’s warm brown eyes.

There was pressure on his back. “Come on Adam, let’s leave the stage. He’s not here.”

Adam nodded and flashed the audience one more smile before they walked off stage. The minute they were in the wings, Kris directed him to his dressing room and locked the door.

He looked around, not sure what he should do.

“Change out of your suit … here.” Casual pants and a sweater were draped over the chair in front of him. “We’re heading home.”

“’kay,” Adam softly replied. 

He gladly followed Kris’ lead because seeing that maniac, whether real or not, had shaken him to his core and left him feeling useless. He changed then sat at his mirror to remove his stage makeup. When he looked in the mirror, he saw his reflection in a car window as he slammed against it, hitting his head and falling to the ground. The cleansing cloth fell from his hand and he shut his eyes tight. Moments later, a comforting kiss was pressed into his hair and the makeup was being wiped from his face. Soft words of comfort began to fill his mind, chasing away the ghost. His mind was teetering on the edge between the past and present but the present was winning out; Kris was fighting for him the same way he had when all the shit was really happening. Adam found the hand on his shoulder and desperately held on.

~~*~~

“Adam?”

Kris climbed onto the stage and gently touched his boy, hoping not to spook him. When Adam didn’t flinch away and looked at him, Kris smiled for the audience’s benefit but he hoped Adam saw all the emotions in his face, especially the love. Kris started to guide him off stage. He knew Adam was looking for Malcolm.

“Come on Adam, let’s leave the stage. He’s not here.”

Adam came back to the presence enough to acknowledge the audience and walk off with him. Once backstage, Kris hurried him to the dressing room. Adam stood in the middle of the room, his face confused and hovering between tears and relief. Kris knew the memories where caving in and all he could do was try to get Adam home where he would feel safe. After that, he’d worry about getting him through tomorrow and the day after that and the day after at.

He found Adam’s own clothes on the rack and laid them out. “Change out of your suit … here. We’re heading home.”

While Adam changed, Kris got on his cell and called Ken.

“You still here?”

“At Adagio? Yes, but I thought you two left.”

“Not yet. We’re in Adam’s dressing room. I … I think I need you to meet us here.”

There was silence. “I understand; I’ll be right there.”

“Thanks. And can you bring Peter and Neil with you too?”

Ken said he would and hung up. Kris turned his attention back to Adam and found him shaking, eyes squeezed shut. He picked the cleaning cloth off the floor, tossed it and got a new one. He pressed a kiss onto the top of Adam’s head and started cleaning his face, erasing the tracks of his tears through the foundation. He watched what he was doing in the mirror so he could keep close to Adam.

“You’re safe sweetheart. I know you’re thinking about him but he’s not here, he’s never going to hurt you again. I love you. I cherish you. I’ll protect you with all I have. Stay strong my love. Don’t let him win. Don’t let that bastard control your life again.”

Kris knew he was getting through when Adam clasped his hand. There was a soft knock on the door.

When Kris unlocked the door, Ken, Peter and Neil were waiting for them. Kris watched Adam gaze at them and smile.

“Are we circling the wagons?” Adam joked. 

They all smiled. Thank God he seemed to be coming out of it.

“I was leaving anyway so I thought you could keep an eye on me,” Neil replied. “No one messes with my big brother.”

Adam punched his brother playfully in the arm and they headed out. As they approached the exit, Kris could feel Adam tense up. He rubbed his thumb over the back of his hand.

“He’s not here lover.”

“I know, I just ….”

Kris nodded, understanding completely. Adam had spent months in therapy, dealing with the trauma of all those years at Malcolm’s hands and the attack in December. The nightmares that use to visit him nightly gradually dwindled down to once a week and now rarely happened, unless triggered. 

Adagio had been one of those triggers for a long time. When Adam had told him that he’d planned on going back there to work, Kris was happy that Adam was thinking towards his future but also worried it would be a constant reminder. The Cavanaugh Club had been leveled and was gone forever. It was just a memory. The Adagio was a solid reminder. Adam had told him it was the people that made Adagio, not the steel girders and drywall. He wasn’t going to let Malcolm control his life any longer and if he let go of this blessing, then Malcolm had won and Adam refused to let that happen. 

It had taken baby steps at first, driving by daily under the clear blue sky. Once he was comfortable with that, they started driving by at night when the place was surrounded by people and shrouded in shadows. Next, he started visiting Adagio during the day and then a couple of nights a week, getting used to enjoying himself once more. Eventually, Adam took to the stage again and hadn’t looked back. In the grand scheme of things, this was a hiccup and would pass.

Until then, Kris would rub Adam’s back, tell him to breathe slowly and relax.

The five Musketeers walked through the parking lot to the boys’ car. Adam gave each of them a hug and told them how much he loved them. They all returned the sentiment. Peter told them to take the next day off. 

The last place Adam needed to be at on the 26th was the Adagio.

~~*~~

Kris tossed and turned….

Adam picked up the phone. Kris could barely hear him. Adam went outside. They talked about Adam’s performance. Then there was noise, there was yelling, there was pain.

“Adam? Adam?” Kris had called out, only hearing cries intermingled with ranting. “ADAM! DAMN IT ANSWER ME!” No one answered him. “ADAM! ADAM!” Kris had continued screaming with no reply, drowning in a sea of his own tears, of Adam’s tears.

Adam’s beautiful voice, faint and pleading, had filtered through the phone. “G-God…n-no, no….please.” There was a click. “P-Please … n-noo ….”

BANG!

“NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” Kris screamed until his voice gave way. He had dropped his phone and fell over, clutching his heart. “NO! NO! NO! …….”

Kris snapped awake, soaked in sweat and tears, panting heavily. He searched in the dark and felt his boy safe beside him, still sleeping. Quickly, he made his way to the bathroom, closed the door and slid to the floor. Kris grabbed a towel and muffled his cries. It had only been a dream, a nightmare, but it had once been real.

Back then too, Kris had been hunkering on the floor of the Cavanaugh Club sobbing. He’d cried into his phone for Adam to answer him and there had been no answer. He didn’t want to relieve the eternal minutes that followed that horrendous moment. Kris fast forwarded through that in his mind to the moment he saw for himself Adam was alive, many hours later in the hospital. 

Seeing him connected to machines and beaten and shot hadn’t been much better but he was alive, that was all that mattered. Kris pulled himself together, washed his face and headed back into the bedroom. Adam was on his back, snoring softly. It was nearly 9am. Kris decided to make breakfast and surprise Adam in bed.

~~*~~

Adam was on the ground, cold concrete beneath his cheek. His body was convulsing, bending in on itself as kicks and punches rained down on him.

“You fuckin’ bitch! I did everything for you and you do this! HAPPY BITCH? … I’m ruined. You killed me! … Not gonna happen bitch. Never gonna happen.”

A gun was pointed at him. Adam begged for his life. There was a flash and nothing ….

“KRIS! KRIS! KRIIIIIISSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!”

Arms enfolded him, brought him out of the darkness into the light. Adam clung to him sobbing.

“Shhh, shhh my love, it’s alright. It was just a nightmare.”

Kris continued soothing him and slowly Adam’s cries quieted and his sat up. His angel was smiling at him. Adam caressed his cheek and bottom lip before tasting him, tasting the beauty and the love and the heaven that came from those lips. They started slowly and then their combined fears took over and they ravaged each other in their desperation for comfort.

The clothes disappeared. Kris lay naked on his back, hands behind his knees holding his legs up and spreading them for Adam’s tongue to fuck his hole. Adam smiled and hummed, adoring the whimpers and dirty little words coming out of his cute fiancé’s mouth.

“Ad-Ad-ammmm, h-h-help, my, my cock hurts, p-please…..”

Still licking his hole, Adam reached up and found Kris’ hard cock. He stroked it slowly, eliciting more pleas and then Adam jerked it so hard Kris came within a minute. Adam came up for air then, gazing lustfully at his baby’s sweaty body, fucked out face and white streamer across his chest. The older man licked him clean then shared the salty goodness with a deep kiss.

As they kissed, Adam inserted one, then two, then three fingers inside and stretched and opened him.

“Mphphm … fu-fu me … Ad … fu-fu…,” Kris mumbled out between kisses.

Adam removed his fingers, lined himself up and plunged in with one giant stroke.

Kris’ body moved up the bed, his hair splayed against the headboard.

“Gawd baby, so tight, so fucking tight….”

Kris couldn’t talk anymore. Rather, he moaned and clamped his hands to Adam’s hip, pushing and pulling, telling Adam with body language to shut up and get moving.

And move he did. Adam pounded into him, driving their bodies beyond the brink of reason until they screamed their throats raw. It had been hot and fast and rough and just what they needed.

Bodies entwined, still connected, they fell back asleep and the nightmares vanished.

~~*~~

They spent the morning and half the afternoon in bed. Around 4 pm, just as they were finishing breakfast in the kitchen – the bed was kind of messy – there was a knock on the door.

Kris answered the door. Neil was standing there, somewhat lopsided, holding a big black bag.

“Neil, what ….”

Neil pushed by him and carefully dropped the bag by the fireplace. “Sorry Kris, that thing was damn heavy. Okay, so where are the electrical outlets in this place?”

Adam came into the living room and saw his brother. He cocked an eyebrow. “Hey bro.”

“Hey Ad. So …. electrical outlets?”

Kris started to close the door when Peter appeared, carrying a box.

“I told Neil you wouldn’t want to sing on your day off so I brought poker chips and cards.” He looked at Adam and grinned. “Strip poker is off limits. I’ve also got Twister, Trivial Pursuit, Pictionary and Cranium. I think there’s a Hannah Montana Monopoly in the bottom. Don’t even ask … long story.”

“Helloooo, still looking for electrical outlets!”

Peter came in without being invited.

“I thought you two might enjoy more adult pursuits,” Christine announced as she walked in too. She handed Adam the crate she’d been carrying. “Put the whites in the fridge and leave the reds on the counter. And be careful. I’ve got some of my finest wine glasses in there. Oh, and we’ll need something to spit in. Can’t do a proper wine tasting if you get drunk.”

Adam did as he was told. Kris was still holding the door open, not exactly sure when they’d invited everyone over. Neil gave up asking for electrical outlets and started looking for himself.

Shaun and Charlie came in next, asking if the grill was hooked up. Kris nodded and Charlie said he’s stick the steaks and chicken in the fridge. Shaun followed and Kris followed them. The two men unloaded tons of groceries and started putting them away. Charlie asked when they’d eaten last. Kris said ten minutes ago. Charlie and Shaun telecommunicated and announced dinner would be served around 7:30pm.

Adam had still been in the kitchen when the unpacking began. He tried to get away but got commandeered instead. Kris went back to the population explosion in the living room to find rolled up sleeping bags piled on the couch by Ken then James then Ken then James ….

Finally reaching the end of the camp gear, Ken came up the porch stairs with yet another box. Kris stepped out onto the porch, closing the door behind him. He was going to get an explanation.

“What is all this?”

Ken looked into the box. “DVDs and CDs.”

“That’s not what I meant. It’s not that I’m complaining, cause we love you guys, but what the hell are y’all doing here?”

“After you boys left Adagio last night, we had a meeting ….”

“A meeting huh?”

“Don’t interrupt. Yes, a meeting and we all decided that what you two needed today was a distraction. So we are your distractions. We’re inviting ourselves over for a slumber party to keep you boys eating and laughing and playing and singing and gambling and wine tasting and watching movies and telling ghost stories so when you think back on December 26th, you’ll have something wonderful to remember.” Nodding towards the closed door, Ken continued. “Now if you don’t mind, can you let me in? My arms are about to fall off.”

Kris followed Ken and looked for Adam. Christine was talking to him and then they were hugging. Kris had a feeling Adam was just filled in too. Seeing Kris, Adam walked over and hugged him.

“I … I just don’t know what to say.”

“I do!” Neil chirped out. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at the junior Lambert. Neil held up a can of Pepsi, lifted his eyes to the heavens and declared, “God Bless us everyone!”

Two minutes later, Kris was on the internet, looking up how to get pop stains out of their tan carpet.


End file.
